fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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