Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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