i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
