Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
