Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
