I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
