I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize