She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
