I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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