what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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