She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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