I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
