how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
