You're completely useless in the revolution.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
