Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize