the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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