My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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