Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
