I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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