I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have demons in me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Randomize
