i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
