remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize