Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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