I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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