i think my mom watched the whole time
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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