too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize