Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
