I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize