Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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