You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
