id be glad to
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
