home. puking in laundry basket.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
