You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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