don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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