He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
