Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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