We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
