New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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