I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
