My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just googled if crying burns calories
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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