Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
