Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
