We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
