I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
