I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize