It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
