I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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