You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
