That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
