I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
