she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
