I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
