If i come over, it means nothing
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
