After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
