Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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