Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
