i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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