Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
