i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize