Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
