Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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