he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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