im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
