I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
