Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
