Are we in a gay sports bar?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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