you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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