dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
