I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My ATM looks so different sober.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize