just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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