I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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