I think I am morally bankrupt
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
