I must be too annoying 4 u.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
