he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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