for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
