Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
