what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize