i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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