I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
