He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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