Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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