im about as happy as oj after his trial
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
