I think I died a long time ago.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
