It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize