You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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