It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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