She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
