Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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