I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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