My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
