let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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