I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
