My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize