doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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