I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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