I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
