Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize