If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
