I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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