your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize