So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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