My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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