Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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