She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
