I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize