I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
