Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
