white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
