Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
